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12/28/2005 Archived Entry: "just a mom"
I ran across a blogger's 101 things in which she says she is struggling to define herself as a person and not just a mom and wife. Why is there still this stigma attached with being "just" a mom and wife? Do you think attorneys are struggling to define themselves as something other than "just" an attorney? Or "just" a mechanic? Why the just? I'm a wife, I'm a mom, this is what I do, this is who I am. I'm not afraid to say it and I'm not going to spend my life mooning over who I am as a person. I'm me, I am a person who is a mom and wife and I'm damn proud of it, thankyouveddymuch. I'm not in this position because I can't do anything else. I'm here, in this family, because I choose to be. I made the decision to not pursue a career because family is more important to me. I don't want to work at least 8 hours a day and only see my husband and kids a few waking hours a day (if that). One of the reasons we homeschool is because I like my kids, I want them here with me. They are going to grow up and leave me someday. And though I will not stop being a mom at that point, it will cease to be my job. I'll go out and get one of them there paying gigs and there will be good points and bad points to it, just like being a mom. But I'll still be me. The same person I am now, just in a different role.
Don't apologize for your choices. Make them and be proud of them. There's no "just" about it.
Replies: 1 Comment
As someone who is a wife and a mother and a "something else," I don't think my sense of self is any greater than it would be if I were "just" any one of those things. I was a wife before I was a writer and a writer before I was a mother, and at no time did I feel like more or less of a person than I do now. Adding more roles to your life doesn't make you a more complete person, just a more tired one. :-)
(Frankly, I'd like to try being "just" a wife and mom for a while. It would be nice to focus on doing one job really well instead of turning in a substandard performance at two of them. Alas, it's not in the cards for this lifetime.)
With all that said, I think some women struggle because they feel as if the "mom and wife" role defines them by their relationships to other people, whereas being an attorney or a mechanic or whatever is something that *they* are. I don't know that I want my business card determining my identity either -- I certainly don't introduce myself by my job title -- but that's just me.
>I don't want to work at least 8 hours a day and only see my husband and
kids a few waking hours a day (if that).
I'm with you. Being away from home all the time is a huge drag. I wish families could support themselves on part-time wages so everyone -- mothers, fathers and kids -- could spend more time together. When I take over the world ...
Posted by Vanessa @ 12/28/2005 04:14 PM PST
